here i am again

why am i still crying.
the sight of ur name or words surrounding it brings back tht feeling,
those thoughts and pains frm tht summer day when time stood still and i felt my heart breaking.
time moved forward and you riding alongside when i thought we were gonna walk together.
and yes i knew the rules bt we were always breaking them..
bending them in shapes like hearts so we’d fall between the cracks of love-always loopholes.
never once did i think u’d keep it official and follow thru with it…
but i guess tht was my problem for making an ass out of u and me and assuming we’d never change.

here i am again, still not knowing and forever showing scars of the past.
why am i still crying.

i know i wasnt perfect bt neither were u.
thru the insecurity and self-destruction i wantd to stay by ur side bc the moments of love were worth the moments of pain and confusion.
i loved u so much tht words wud get lost in the battle of making u happy versus inducing ur exhaustion bc i was so afraid of losing u.
inadequate was the common theme before and yet i find myself going back there again
bc ill never understand how u let someone fill tht space i once had after u took it away.
i barricaded tht place in my heart bc no one on earth deservd it more than u.
how can i be swooned by charming suitors wen all i saw and wantd was u and those words tht wud bring us back to where i wantd to be.

bt here i am, and cant say the same for you bc these things jst happend..or at least thts wht u said.
i wish i cud i stop crying.

stop breathing

stop feeling

why cant i stop crying…

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